You Want To Do What?

I’ve been way too serious of late. So, here’s one of my favorite jokes.

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A guy comes home from a long day work at the pickle factory. He has a worried look on his face, and sits down at the kitchen table. His wife comes into the kitchen, and says, “Hi honey! How was your day?”

“I’ve got a problem.” he says after a few moments. “You can’t tell anyone about this, but I really want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer at work.”

“Oh, honey! You can’t do that!” she said. Her husband had been blessed by God, if you know what I mean, and as a result, so was she. “I mean, the pickle slicer?!? That sounds like a really bad idea!!

“You think I don’t know that! It’s a really, really bad idea!”

“Well, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should see a doctor…”

“Oh, that’s great! Now you think I should see a shrink…”

“No! Not if you don’t want to, but honey, the pickle slicer…”

“I know, you’re right. I’ll tell you what. If this feeling doesn’t go away in a couple of days, I’ll go see a doctor.”

“Okay, but promise me you’ll be careful.”

The next day, the guy comes home from work. He still looks worried, and sits down at the table again. His wife rushes into the kitchen.

“How was work?” she asked, then held her breath.

“It was hell. I tried to ignore it, but I still want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer at work.”

“I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment for you. I’m really scared for your–I mean, you!”

“No, not yet. If it doesn’t get any better tomorrow, I’ll go see the doctor.”

“Okay…but promise me you’ll be careful, please! I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to your—to you.”

The next day, the guy comes home at noon. He sits down at the table, but he no longer looks worried. In fact, he has a big smile on his face.

“Honey? What’re you doing home so early? Is everything okay?”

“Honey, I tried to fight that feeling I’ve been having, but today I just said the hell with it, and I did it. I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer at work!”

“Noooooooooo!” his wife cried, and then she looked at her husband. He didn’t look like he was, you know, injured. “Well, what happened?”

“Duh! I got fired.”

“Well, what happened to the pickle slicer?”

“Oh, she got fired, too.”

My Favorite Joke

Yep, that’s what it says. This is my favorite joke, ever. For all time.

This gal comes home, and she finds her husband sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

“Oh, honey! What happened? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” her husband replied after a moment. “I lost my job today, and if I don’t find another job soon, we’re going to lose everything! And with the economy being what it is…well, it just doesn’t look good for us”

“Well,” the gal says after a few minutes. “You know, I’m pretty good looking. I could put on that cute outfit you bought me for your birthday, and I could go stand on one of the corners downtown, and maybe I could make some extra money until you find another job”

So, the guy takes his wife downtown and puts her on a busy street corner, and then he parks across the street because this is his wife and he loves this woman. She looks really cute. She’s wearing a tight sweater with a little tartan skirt and high heel shoes. And as darling as she looks, it doesn’t take long before a guy in a sportscar pulls up.

“Hey, baby. I’m looking for some action. How much would it cost to have sex with you?”

“Um, just a minute,” And she runs across the street and tells her husband. “Honey, this guy wants to have sex with me! How much should I charge him?”

“A hundred bucks!” he says, and his wife runs back across the street.

“Hey, big boy, got a hundred bucks?” The guy shakes his head. “Um, just a minute.” and she runs across the street again. “He doesn’t have a hundred bucks, what should I do?”

“Ask him if he has twenty bucks, give him a blowjob.” So she runs across the street again.

“Hey handsome, got twenty bucks? I can give you a blowjob.”

“Hell yeah, I’ve got twenty bucks!” the guy says. She gets in the car. The guy unzips his fly and he…has…a…huge…cock!

“Um, just a minute!” And she runs across the street once more and asks, “Honey, can you loan this guy eighty bucks?”